Stilnovistic Love
by Brass Dragon
Summary: It’s when you’re searching for one thing, that you find other little vital things. It’s when you’re focused on one thing that you see the peripheral. A cheesy little HakkaixGojyo.


**Stilnovistic Love****  
An Experiment **_in Sexuality_  
_A moment of clarity from the Brass Dragon

* * *

_

It was late when he started back, but not too late. Hakkai had been acting…twitchy. That was the only way he could thing to describe it. For the past week or so his friend had been as jumpy as a jackrabbit. Gojyo scooped hair out of his face and danced limberly around a pot hole. The fact that 'Kai had skipped out of dinner concerned him, wandering about strange towns was not something he did. At least not unless it was to get supplies.

Only further compounding his concerns was the fact that the one who was the most polite of the group, seemed to be looking his cool. Not obviously of course, he never went as far as loosing his temper, but the automatic smiles seemed slower to come, and just a bit sharper and more artificial than ever.

When he had been unable to find Hakkai near the inn, the restaurant they had dined in or the market, he had wandered to the bar. Thinking, maybe he would find his wayward roommate just trying to blow off some steam. But he hadn't been there, and no one had seen him.

Gojyo sighed and looked up at the bank of windows on the third floor of the modest inn they had put up lodging in. He saw the monkey perched in a window yammering away, he was still too far to hear anything through the open window. And while he couldn't be sure, he was willing to bet the saru was yakking the monk's ear off. Blinking up at the line of windows, he reasoned that the monk had been the first to grab his key, so the first room, complete with the idiot monkey who was now dangling one leg outside now, belonged to Sanzo. Obviously Hakkai wasn't with them or Goku would have been safely pulled in by now. Goku had been next to snatch a key, so the dark closed window to the right was his. Then him, and his own window was dark also. That meant Hakkai would be in the last dimly lit one.

Wait, dimly lit? Hakkai was back.

From the corner of his eye he caught a commotion; he turned just in time to see Goku duck and Sanzo's harisen go sailing to the ground. He smirked as Goku cautiously lifted his head and tentatively peeks down to see where the fan fell, as if the thing would rise on its own accord, sail up three stories and give him a sound thawping.

When he seemed satisfied that it wasn't going to do just that, he let his eyes wander and caught sight of Gojyo. The kid began to wave enthusiastically, and Gojyo couldn't control the twitch of his lips, and let his own hand rise to offer a casual wave. The monk's head appeared, eyes finding the man instantly. Gojyo offered him a sharp jerk of his head, and sneered when the blond pulled himself back inside with barely a glance. "Bastard."

* * *

Not to much later Gojyo found himself knocking on the 'bastard's' door, paper fan in hand. He felt vaguely stupid for bringing it up, but before he could stash it Sanzo opened the door, and gave him a quick but thorough look, then snatched the fan from his hand.

"Moron."

Gojyo wasn't sure if the monk had read his mind, or if it was just his way of offering a socially inept greeting.

The blond turned his back and made to return to the chair where a newspaper rested, leaving the door open to the kappa. Those fluent in 'Sanzo' knew this was as close to a _'come on in, could I take your coat?'_ as they were going to ever get. So he sauntered in and pushed the door shut behind him.

Goku was still sitting on the casement, and seemed to be vibrating slightly. Gojyo watched him for a bit before leaning as close to Sanzo as he could and murmuring, "Oi, what's wrong with the monkey?"

Sanzo took a moment to light his cigarette before peering at said monkey over his glasses. "Stupid chimp drank my coffee."

Gojyo blinked and regarded the hyped up boy with wide eyes. "Has he done that before?"

Sanzo rustled his paper and spoke around the vice clamped tightly between his lips. "No."

Goku glared at them, making it evident hat he had heard all. "Hey! I was thirsty! And why would anyone drink that crap anyway? Who the hell would wanna feel like this? It's absolutely ridiculous! I can just imagine what it does to your insides. Screw that! Just tea and water for me. Or maybe some fruit juice, I wonder if the kitchen has any juice. Hey Sanzo? Do you think the kitchen has any juice? I think I'm gonna go down and see." He popped to his feet and made it to the door in two strides. He managed to jerk it open with a quick violent twist of his wrist. "Anybody want anything?" He asked, but didn't wait for and answer and the door slammed shut behind him.

The two stared at the door for a moment. And then Sanzo snorted and Gojyo chuckled. Sill laughing quietly he pulled a pack of Hi-Lites from his pocket and lit up. "So, when did Hakkai get back?"

Sanzo only spared him a glance before turning back to his paper. "I didn't know he was."

Gojyo blinked, surprised. "He didn't stop?"

Sanzo sighed, but briskly folded the paper. "No." Pulling his glasses off he turned towards the other man. "How do you know he came back?"

Gojyo exhaled and gestured vaguely. "His light was on."

The monk's eyes narrowed and he glared at the door. "Something's bothering him."

The redhead snorted. "No shit."

He fiddled with the earpiece on his glasses and grunted. "You want to go beat it out of him, or do you want me to?"

Gojyo was shocked, was Sanzo offering to be helpful? There was only one thing to do in this situation. He rose from the spot he had taken on the foot of the bed and wiggled his fingers in Sanzo's face. "I always thought that you swung that way boozo." He taunted with a leer.

He made it to the door before he heard the distinctive sound of the hammer being pulled back, and was out of the room as the cylinder turned.

* * *

He was hesitating. He knew Hakkai was in, there was soft light spilling out from under the door and a quite shuffling coming from inside. For the third time he raised his hand to knock, but pulled back, and stepped back to lean against the wall. Sighing he pushed off, determined this time. But a millisecond before his knuckles met wood, the knob turned and the door opened.

Through the now open door he saw Hakkai sitting with chest bare on his bed. He blinked, but the image remained. There was the sound of a delicate throat clearing, and he looked down.

She didn't quite come up to his collar bone. She was, for lack of a better word, stunning, with blue black hair and skin like fresh cream. Gojyo looked down at her in confusion and blatant shock. Her dark eyes sparkled with amusement, and turned to speak over her shoulder with red bruised lips. "Do you know a long tall redhead?" She asked in a rough sleepy voice.

Hakkai's head come up and his eyes met Gojyo's. "Oh. Yes. Hello Gojyo." Gojyo merely blinked and the girl chuckled.

"I'll leave you two be. Goodnight Sensei." She deftly scooted around the one who was still blocking the door and made down the hall.

"Ah. Goodnight Soi." Hakkai called after her with a slight blush. "Gojyo, are you going to come in, or stand in my door all night?"

Gojyo wasn't quite sure how to proceed. In all the years he'd known Hakkai, he had never thought he would encounter a situation like this. A not so small and very irrational part of him wanted to go tearing after that little slut and kick her ass for perverting the sweet affable man before him. Because Hakkai didn't have sex. Because Kanan might as well as sliced his dick off when she had taken that blade. Or at least that what he had thought.

He must have taken to long to decide, because Hakkai rose. Gojyo's eyes were drawn to the painful looking scar on his abdomen, and by turn, to the half buttoned fly of his friend's jeans. He could practically feel the blood draining from his head.

Suddenly he was in a chair, and Hakkai's cool hands were on his face, pushing over his forehead, and beneath his chin. And he smelled sweet, like vanilla and honey. Like a girl. Like that girl. And Hakkai was talking. "…pale. How much have you had to drink? Do you feel alright?"

He briskly pushed his friend's concerned hands away, unable to stand the scent. "I'm fine. Really. I just felt kinda dizzy for a second there."

Hakkai's brow furrowed. "Alright." He sighed and moved to close the still open door. "I hope you're not getting an inner ear infection."

Gojyo shook his head, and tried to grasp the narrow thread of conversation, but it was thin and fine and slippery. "Hakkai, was that a _girl_?" Obviously he had failed, and the safe white thread sailed away on the wind. He watched, mildly embarrassed, as his friend stopped, and turned to face him slowly.

"Yes." He stretched the word out slowly and watched his friend with curious eyes and tilted head.

Scooping hair from his face for the umpteenth time that night he tried not to sputter. "Well. I mean were you…did you…?"

Hakkai raised one hand palm out, and successfully halted Gojyo's difficult sentence. "Yes. Some of us try to be _discreet_ in our…extracurricular activities." He smiled softly, and bent to pull a shirt out of the bag at the foot of the bed.

Gojyo felt something in his chest catch, and tried to swallow.

"I would have thought you'd have stayed out." Hakkai's voice was muffled by cotton, and Gojyo watched appreciatively as the muscles played over his lower back, before they were covered.

"Why?"

Hakkai turned to face him, tugging his clothing to rights. But not, Gojyo noticed, fastening his pants. "It's been quite awhile since we've been in a town large enough to have anything considering a night life." He grinned, giving his friend the first real smile in a week. And despite himself, Gojyo relaxed. It seemed that all it ever took to undo him, all his anger and mistemper, was a simple smile from the man before him.

"Heh." He raised a hand to rub the back of his neck. "True. I was worried about you." His friend lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed, leaning forward, elbows on knees. "You've been acting funny the past few days. Moody." He eyed the man before him. "And I've never known you to go pick up chicks."

His roommate was looking contemplatively out the darkened window. "Just because you've never known me to do something doesn't mean I don't."

Gojyo felt his mind go blank, and it seemed that the muscles holding his jaw had mysteriously disappeared along with the contents of his head. "You mean…you…how…?" He sputtered inelegantly.

Hakkai chuckled and tried to save his sputtering friend. "Not often. It is really vary rare. I'm surprised you caught me. So to speak." He was watching Gojyo closely, amusement and embarrassment warring their way across his face, wielding pointy spears of shame. "This bothers you." He stated with surprise.

"Well…yeah." Gojyo sighed out, leaning back in his chair.

"What did you think?" Hakkai murmured, looking again towards the window. "Did you think me completely asexual?"

Blinking in surprise, the truth slipped out of nerveless lips. "Yeah, no…in a way maybe."

The other man turned; eyes dark against a pale face. "Mm. I suppose you would."

He looked fragile, and now Gojyo was afraid he'd upset him, or worse, offended him. "I mean…damn 'Kai." He huffed, hating that there was a thick ball of panic in his chest. Rising abruptly he plopped down on the bed beside him. "You just never seemed interested, that's all."

"It's alright." Came the quiet reply, and riding on its tail was a breathy laugh.

Gojyo relaxed a bit, the ball in his chest loosening, and leaned back on his hands. "What's been bothering you?" He chanced a demand, the strength of his voice relaying it. _'Tell me what's wrong damnit!'_ And he settled back to wait.

It took awhile, a long while, and it came just when he was preparing to ask again. "About eight days ago," he began quietly, so quietly Gojyo leaned forward to make sure he heard him clearly. "I guess you would call it our 'anniversary', the day we first met." He paused again, a frown drawing his brows together. "Again." Shaking his head he brushed hair from his bad eye. "She used to make a special dinner. She was a terrible cook, but she had a few meals that were…palatable." His face was blank, pretty eyes sightless.

Shifting he lifted one hand and placed it gently on the back of Hakkai's neck. "I see."

"No." It was said with a force that surprised them both, and his hand squeezed a bit. "No, that's not it Gojyo." Still bent, elbows on his knees, he turned to look up at him. "I forgot." He smiled without humor, but his eyes were more confused than pained. "For a few days I just knew there was something I was missing. Like a tickle at the back of my mind." He looked at the floor. "And then I remembered, I was looking for it." Gojyo remained quiet, hand moving to massage gently. "And I didn't _like_ that I remembered, and that just made me feel guilty." The hand traveled up to that super soft hair, threading it between fingers. "She was my best friend," Hakkai said on a sigh "but I realized that I never had the kind of…thing…with her that I did with Soi, or even Rika."

The hand stopped. "Who was Rika?" He asked with apprehension.

Hakkai blinked above a pretty blush. "Aa. The, uh…innkeepers daughter."

Gojyo's mind whirled, placing a pretty blushing girl handing them keys, bringing up food, brushing him off as he tried to talk her into his single lonely room. "Ah fuck!" He cursed in disbelief, tugging slightly at his friend's hair. "How the _hell_ did you pull that?" He demanded pinning the embarrassed man with an accusing glare.

"Aa. She offered."

"Fuck."

"Exactly."

Gojyo blinked, mouth falling open briefly before sniggering uncontrollably. Then the moment played out, and Hakkai's eyes still looked haunted. "You knew them long enough to make friends?" He asked, hand moving down to rest between bony shoulder blades.

It seemed to take him a second or two to grasp the question. "Oh. No. That's not what I meant. I never had that simple physical easiness with her that I had with them." He shook his head as if to dislodge something that his tongue couldn't reach. "I had always harbored under the notion that she was the person that knew me best, but we never had that." Gojyo's fingers played over the hollow of Hakkai's back, carefully filing away everything he was saying. "And for being that person, I can't help but see now…she never quite meant to me what you do."

It took Gojyo some time to process this, his fingers pausing in their work, and then it clicked. And something in his chest jostled loose and evaporated in a flurry of fizzy bubbles, and he could breathe. Before his brain even registered what his arms were doing, he was pulling Hakkai close and wrapping them around him in a strange sideways hug. Burying his nose into the minty softness of Hakkai's hair he breathed deep. A piece of him cheered in glee, and shouted that he could give everything up for this, just this. Then, without considering the consequences, without thinking of action or reaction he tilted that face up to his. "What's wrong with that?" He demanded, squeezing just a bit.

And Hakkai smiled, and relaxed completely, leaning into him. Reaching up he tugged on a clump of bright red hair, bringing Gojyo's surprised lips to his in a simple kiss. "Nothing." He said against his friend's mouth. "Absolutely nothing."

* * *

The next morning was beautiful, and Gojyo sat comfortably at the wide table, arguing happily with a very tired monkey. Sanzo was chatting quietly with Hakkai, beyond pleased that he was acting normal again. So much so he didn't react when Gojyo snatched the last spring roll from under Goku's dozing nose.

Poking the chimp's cheek experimentally, Gojyo chuckled when he didn't wake. "Hey, maybe the monkey could use a cup of coffee?" Goku's only response was a shudder and a light snore. "He's completely out." Gojyo breathed slightly awed.

"Just dump him in the jeep." Sanzo ordered, standing abruptly. "I've got to get cigarettes, be ready to leave when I get back." That said he headed to the door.

"Tyrant." Gojyo coughed loudly, but got no response. Despite any argument he rose to sling Goku over his shoulder and follow Hakkai to where Hakuryu was waiting. Helping to stow their things he sighed wistfully and gazed at the sleeping boy. "Man, I so wanna fuck with him." His hand was already reaching into a bag to search blindly for that ever present marker.

"No you don't." Hakkai warned gently.

"Why not?" He pouted, kicking up a small cloud of dust from the road.

Hakkai laughed, stepping forward to rest hands lightly on his shoulders, and leaning in so speak low and soft in his ear. "Because Sanzo is back, and he would shoot you." He brushed lips lightly over the lobe before pulling back and grinning tauntingly. And Gojyo felt a shiver go up his spine at the playfulness evident in his friends smile.

As he climbed into the back of the jeep, shoving Goku to his side, he caught Hakkai's eyes in the rear-view and smiled, feeling genuinely happy. Because this, he thought, was something that he could work with. This was something to be fighting for. Fuck the past, the future was looking like to much fun.

* * *

AN: Ahhh…can you feel the cheese? It's all melty and running down the screen isn't it? Quick! Don't let it get to the keyboard! In case anyone noticed…I tend to make up words when I'm in a jam…try not to let that bother you. 


End file.
